im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just want to make out with him forever
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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