you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
