Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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