you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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