So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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