Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
