i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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