Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All the doctor said was why
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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