ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
