First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
All I want is dick and wine.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
