dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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