Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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