Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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