In the future we'll all be gay
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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