I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I understand Curling. That high.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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