please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
