dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
