What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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