So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
