have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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