i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
