I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
