I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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