i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
