I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
