Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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