Is it because I queefed?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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