i wish there were pregnant emoticons
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
