u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
