dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
