Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
