The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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