is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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