When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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