Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
