I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
