So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
