I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
