So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
