have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
