You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
