My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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