Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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