I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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