Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
