I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
