You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think pants incapable of making pants work
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
