If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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