Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
