I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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