Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
