New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
