you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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