I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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