I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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