He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
