dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
